I saw it, I heard it, I felt it
Ruach Scripts
January 9, 2025
I had two friends—one had dark skin, and the other had fair skin. Both were plus-sized, but only the dark-skinned girl was often told to lose weight to look beautiful, while the fair-skinned friend wasn’t. Over time, the dark-skinned girl started to believe the comments and decided to lose weight, which she eventually did. After that, people praised her and called her beautiful. This made me wonder: if being a healthy weight is important, why was only the dark-skinned girl pressured to change? Who decides what is beautiful? Who decides what is “normal”?
We can see two things happening in the story, one is unequal treatment which is said to be “that is normal” and the other one is the acceptance of the dark skinned girl of her physique and decided to change according to the norm. The questions of choice arises, What drives us to make certain choices? Is it the anticipation of consequences, the urgency of the moment, emotional impulses, or external pressures? And why do we prioritize one motivation over another when making decisions?
In many ways, we operate like systems. Our minds, bodies, and souls are conditioned to react in specific ways to given situations. It’s as if we have an internal database, built over time and stored in our subconscious, that influences our actions. This is where social conditioning plays an important role. Social conditioning refers to the process by which society subtly trains us to behave in ways that are deemed acceptable by our peers and the broader community. (Social Conditioning, n.d.).
Every step we take is deeply influenced by what society has approved as “appropriate.” But who decides what is approved and what isn’t? Here’s where it gets interesting: much of the conditioning of our minds is done by ourselves—unintentionally. We train our minds to follow certain patterns, often without realizing it. It’s a hard truth, but one that deserves to be highlighted.
So, here’s a question: Does it take practice to make choices without being influenced by society, or can it happen in a moment of realization? What if the dark-skinned girl didn’t change to fit the norm and just stayed as she was? Would the pressure eventually stop, or would society continue to push her away? What if she had challenged those expectations instead of following them?
This idea of how one small decision or action leads to bigger consequences reminds me of the famous poem by Benjamin Franklin:
“For want of a nail, the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe, the horse was lost.
For want of a horse, the rider was lost.
For want of a rider, the battle was lost.
For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost,
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.”
The poem shows how something as small as a missing nail in a horseshoe led to the loss of a kingdom. It emphasizes how even minor choices or pressures can lead to significant outcomes. Just like the dark-skinned girl in the story, one decision—driven by social pressure—changed how she was seen and treated. But what if she hadn’t followed that path? What if, like in the poem, a small choice had led to a completely different outcome?
Both the poem and the story highlight how much our decisions are shaped by outside forces and how those decisions can have far-reaching effects. It makes us think: how much of what we do is really our own choice, and how much is shaped by what others expect of us?
Great article